First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
