I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
