I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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