he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
