Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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