I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
