Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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