:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
