3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
