so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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