dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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