after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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