I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
