now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
