i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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