dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
