.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
