I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
send nudes
from the living room?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
