I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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