I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
