Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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