Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
