paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
