Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
