a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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