I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
