he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
