Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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