You made me cry and you don't even care
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
