I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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