if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
