then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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