The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
