I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
