I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we're making bets on your personal life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize