dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
