There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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