i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
