Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
