forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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