is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
