i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
