I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
