Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
