You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
