it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ladies don't puke and tell
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
