Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
