Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
