I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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