I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
