i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
